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calsladybug
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Name: Kristine
Country: United States
State: California
Birthday: 6/29/1982
Gender: Female
Interests: BUG HUNTIN'!!
Playing the piano
Hanging out with friends
Drawing
Reading folktales ;)
Listening to music
Expertise: Major: Rhetoric/
AAA: President/ teaching SAT's!!!
Occupation: Student
Industry: Education/Research
Message: message me
Member Since:
10/29/2002
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| Warning: don't watch Ring 2, it made me like the first one less and that sucks because I REALLY liked the first one...
Anyway, I had a reality check last night...I want to get married when
I'm 25/26, but I also want to be engaged for a year and have dated that
person for at least two years. So let's be generous and say I get
married at 26. Then do a little algebra, subtract one for the
engagement/wedding planning period leaves us at 25. Subtract two
years of dating gives us 23. I turn 23 in three months.
Damn it. I feel old. Where is he and what's taking him so
long! GAH.
Particulars of note: Potential boyfriends...be forewarned. You DON'T want to read my xanga.
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| A friend is introducing me to someone new this week and I'm excited because he's just too perfect. My mom would love him, my dad would love him, by goodness my grandmother would place me higher in the family hierarchy if I married him, and hell, it sounds like I may even like him. For some reason, though, thinking about falling for another person really hurts. You know you've moved on because you had to, not because you wanted to and although you may be lucky enough to find the perfect person and all the crap that happened ends up being meant to be, it's still sad to look back. Because even though the potential of being happier is there, I still look back and think, I was content then and would have stayed content; I never needed better and I never asked for better. This whole dating thing is just very scary, even for a veteran like me. Sometimes I just get so mad! I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask to meet new people and even though I consider myself very fortunate to have people to date, it's just all too a lil ironic for my tastes. It has put me in a situation of worry, despite that this experience is supposed to be fun. I don't want to be naive or taken advantage of. I don't want to lead people on or have to choose. I just wanted one person, but he didn't want me. The uncertainty is killing me and it's not often that I'm unsure of myself, but lately I don't know what I'm doing and I need to take some time to figure this out.
I still don't get it. What happened to being with someone for companionship? Nothing serious or foreboding committments, but just to enjoy eachother's company. Eh, I guess that's what you have friends for. Well, for a fleeting moment I thought maybe I would be like the girl in Sweet November and pick a boy for every month, teach them how to love, and them let them go out in the world. My plan was quickly spoiled when I discovered I'm lucky enough to not have cancer and so if I did such a thing people would just think I'm a slut. Darn.
So, I haven't had much time to do my thinking lately because my little kiddies are taking their SAT's this Saturday so they are stressed out like crazy. Teachers are apathetic to the most important day of their high school career and are assigning a buttload of projects, so the only time they have to study is during my classes and extra help sessions with me. Which means...there are 12 students in each of my classes and I have three classes. That makes 36 students, which makes 36 hours of extra help. That on top of the four classes I teach every week (each three hours long), that comes out to 12 hours. Add that to a forty hour work week here at the PR agency and we have a grand total of 88 hours! Now I know how financial bankers feel. My voice is almost completely shot and I'm getting fat off of all the strawberry cream blends I've been ordering at Starbucks to earn the right to the tables I tutor at.
BUT, you know what makes me really pissed  (like you've ever seen me really pissed) is that my students last night raided the teacher's fridge (in the classroom I teach in) while I was away picking up pizza/drinks/etc. for them. Yes, I buy my kids dinner and they steal from the teacher making the Princeton Review office very upset. GAH! Deep down I hope it really wasn't them, but if it was, well, no words can express my disappointment.
On another note, being busy makes me very happy! I lead a productive life and that's all I've ever wanted/expected of myself...just to make the most of my time all the time. | | |
| So the other day I was watching the Notebook and I started bawling. Then my mom decided to be all "wise" and started pointing to the TV saying, "See, now THAT's true love, none of this 'oh, I need to date other people stuff'." That made me cry even harder. Why is it that mom's say the worse things when they mean better? I swear, if I hear my mom say, "He's not worth it" one more time in that whispery, I told you so, tone, I'm going to scream.
On a happier note! Come audition for the fashion show I'm helping to plan for the American Diabetes Association. Details below:
City Ballet School
25 Colton St. San Francisco, CA
Saturday March 26, 2005
2-5pm
I promise it isn't anything shady :) STIR TV will be there and we'll be getting radio coverage from KMEL and Wild 94.9 is our official media sponsor. I need volunteers to, so let me know if you're interested in working the event and hanging out with beautiful people like yourself.
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| Yesterday I decided to make all 24 of my SAT students my Valentines,
which leaves me with at least 4 times as many as I usually have (ok, I
admit it, I'm a valentine whore). So, to celebrate the occassion,
I decided to drop by the market and purchase a few bags of candy (ok
bad idea with HS students who already have ADD). While digging through
my pockets to check for money, I entered unsuspectingly through the
market's automatic doors and glanced up only to be inundated by a red
sea of foil heart balloons, teddy bears, and streamers hovering
meancingly above me. For a moment I felt crushed and small...and
sad. Those balloons used to make me so pumped up for the big
"love day" where we would reenact our first dates and I would
contemplate long love notes of appreciation and just end up crying over
them with joy--I thought I was the luckiest person in the world.
But, today passed, and I didn't die as co-workers recieved delivered
flowers from their boyfriends and husbands and the cubicles were
sprinkled with pink sweaters. At least I was able to bask in the
mounds of chocolate hearts which will create enough artery plaque to
glue back together a mending heart and then proceed to give it a heart
attack haha. Oh the irony of it all! Still, I'm
contemplating buying all those balloons tomorrow and popping them, with
the utmost gratification, one by one...
Nonetheless, I don't hate Valentine's day. In fact, I love that
it gives me an excuse to write cute text messages to people, buy pink
post-its, and wear pink (or even buy festive pink clothes)! Now
lately I've heard from several people, who do have set Valentine's,
that Vday is a bogus, hallmark holiday and that love should be
celebrated everyday and that there shouldn't be a holiday that makes
people buy tacky gifts and then go on like nothing happened the next
day. Okay, I get that, BUT even though I went anti-valentine's
this year, I think the holiday is a wonderful day to celebrate love and
articulate that to those people you may not tell as often as you
should. It is idealistic to expect everyone to appreciate and
show love in its utmost form every day. Valentine's day gives an
excuse to redeem ourselves for the 364 days preceeding that we took for
granted. Understandably, that is quite the cop out, but not if it
makes you realize how far a little appreciation goes. It's like
mother's day, or father's day, or grandparent's day. It's simply
a day to treat the person you love extra special. And for those
of you who lack friends or family to love, I think the holiday that is
often met with depression by the deprived will allow one to cherish
love when it does enter their lives.
Alright, but that still doesn't address the Hallmark dilemma. So
I suppose not everyone is as thrilled as I am about cute heart stamps
and cuddly teddy bears, but isn't it great that entrepenuers and store
owners can build a business around a fabricated holiday? Only in
America folks and that is what makes this country so great. Can't
you see there are opportunities everywhere? And I'm sure each of
us knows someone who benefits greatly from the sales associated with
this holiday. But, to further the point, wouldn' t it just be
psycho to say, "Well Thanksgiving is a bogus holiday that was created
by the turkey industry and they manipulate us into buying all these
turkeys" or "Christmas is such a commercial holiday blah blah" or
"Independence day makes us buy firecrackers." Sure, these aspects
may be true of each of these holidays, but they are not the
essence. Commercialization is a reflection on our society for
becoming lazy. When you think about it, aren't the best gifts
from the heart and not store bought? Sometimes the store bought
gifts are just people being lazy or too busy and stores give them an
easy way to show people that they remembered the holiday. To
return to the point, the best gifts are from the heart: candelight,
homecooked dinners, warm baths, handpicked flowers, handwritten card,
playing a song your composed, etc. Every holiday celebrates love
or passion in some form or another. To concentrate on the essence
of a holiday frees us from societal constraints of commercialism, so
don't complain, YOU have control! Unless diamonds are your
lover's best friends...then you need to find a new girl haha.
HOPE EVERYONE HAD A WONDERFUL VALENTINE'S DAY!!
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| I was watching Desperate Housewives today...like I do religously every
Sunday...and a car commercial popped up where these lawn flamingos (i
don't know why people put those on their lawns) all of a sudden came to
life as this captivating car whizzes by. It reminded me of a
memory I had from my trip to Hawaii last summer where I was strolling
through the landscapes of the Hilton Luxury hotel (next to our less
shnazzy condos). The hour was late and in the dark I spotted
those bright pink flamingo shapes. Without a second thought, and
assuming they were fake, I looked past them only to be taken back as one
of them took his sleepy head out from under his wing. THEY WERE
REAL!!  I was completely estactic to see a breathing, on one leg,
roosting flamingo. Needless to say, I spent a great deal of time
snapping pictures of these far from tacky lawn decorations.
This memory made me reflect today on how wonderful it is to realize
that some things in life are for real. During my time of "could
be wallowing" my friends and family have been there for me and they are
so real that I can even feel them in spirit. With some things in
life that you hope to be real (and I'm not referring to my buddies) you just poke and feel hard, hallow
plastic and after awhile you just become jaded and expect everything to
be fake. I hope I don't become jaded...again.
So in a half hour it will be Valentine's Day and I'll join the ranks of
others that despise a holiday that celebrates what many of us don't
have. Therefore I return to a classic:
"What's love got to do got to do with it? What's love, but a
second hand emotion? What's love got to do, got to do with
it? Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?"
PS If there is a guy out there that can rock the "Top Gun" theme song on a electric guitar, I will be yours forever.
"You big stud. Take me to bed or lose me forever." *Mowr*
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